Love never felt so good!

Hi Blog,

I rarely come and see you. I come and see you when I can't explain things to anyone; when I am sad and don't know what to do further. This time i might be seeing you after a gap of an year or more i guess.

Questions round, to which i got no answers:

• Why do we fall in love so easy, even when its not right?
• Why do we get attached so easily?
• Why we mix flirting and casual relationships with emotions?
• Why can't life be simple as in without these fuck all emotions?
• Why does even the smallest thing hurt so bad?
• Why are we women so insecure?
• Why are things made so complicated inside a women's head? Why isn't the wiring done in the same fashion as in the male gender?

It's so easy to tell the other person what to do, but it's so fucking difficult to follow the same for yourself.

I guess I've always written to you when I've been in love and felt hurt. So i guess i am in love again. He's someone who works with me. It's not even been 3 months that I've known him and yet, he's got the power to hurt me; or rather well, I've allowed him to. Because I am falling for him, everyday, every hour and every minute that i spend with him. It's such a wonderful feeling of being in love, specially when it's all new and you're trying to know each other. And then comes a point when you realize that it comes with its conditions. You get emotional. Both, happy and sad way. Your hormones stop to function normally. Little things that he does, makes you most happiest in the world. And then there are small and even negligible things that could hurt you.

This guy has the habit of noticing and observing people and reading faces. And he got the clues when I'd started to like him. And then one fine evening, we ended up hugging each other, and we haven't stopped since then. It feels great. Yes, it does.

The guy also taught me a few things about life. How life is too short of worrying and hating; living in the moment; we don't know what might happen tomorrow.

The guy always laughs and smiles, and makes me smile and laugh too, at most times. Also gives me a shoulder (covered with a tee/shirt that ends up wet) to cry on when I am feeling low.

Since he has the habit of reading people by observing, he knows me to a great extent by now, which grows into my loss many a times. Like today, how i tried to console him, hiding away my feelings, but he knew I could cry over it at any point if that was suppose to happen. I don't want this guy to just be with me cause I've got used to him or because it'll hurt me when he leaves. I want him to be with me if he feels happy about it; if he feels the same tingling that I get when I see him every morning. I don't want anybody to be with me just coz of my sake.

Three reasons why it scares him that I love him:

1. Responsibility, & if he'll be able to stand by it.
2. Second, I can't recall, and he refuses to share it with me again.
3. It'll hurt me real bad when this thing, whatever we share, ends.

While I am in the middle of writing this, the guy calls and changes the whole mood I was in, when I'd started writing. I told him that I was bitching about him in the blog, but I guess, I am in a mood to write good things about him.

I was about to bitch as to how he was all emotional at one point and he was flirting with my colleague the very next moment. It hurt me. And that was why I came, writing to you. They talked and flirted for so long and I had to switch on the music as to not listen to their flirty talks. I even thought that they're gonna end up sleeping together and I'll be staying all by myself at Goa for the coming vacation that I'd planned with him. And that's where the question of us, women being so insecure came from. Now, the guy called and told me the reason for the flirt. And he even said sorry for the same. And that is what has lead to the change in my emotional state. From sad emo to happy emo.

I don't know how long we're gonna be together or be happily together. But, whatever it is, right now with him, it's wonderful.